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AN ODE TO MY FORMER LOVE

You always seemed to follow me, no matter where I went. You were like a stray, looking for a home.

After much resistance, I finally decided to let you in.

We spent a lot of time together. I kept you company. I sheltered you. I fed you.

We became so close. We became inseparable. I was obsessed. I found my identity in you. I loved you.

You always share intimate stories with me. I was intrigued. They made me think.

And think. And think.

All I could do was think.

You asked me if you could have some friends over.

Without hesitation, I let them in.

They stayed longer than I anticipated, but I avoided the confrontation.

That was the day that I lost my backbone.

The space was smaller than ever. I was suffocating.

The nightly parties became tiring, but I held in there because I didn’t want to ruin your fun.

The more that I gave you, the more you wanted.

The attachment that we had became so unhealthy. I remember when I made a new friend. You were so jealous.

Every time I tried to distance myself, you kept pulling me back in. You convinced me that I didn’t need anyone or anything else.

You convinced me that everyone else saw me through a dirty glass.

I started to believe you. I let it happen.

I cut off my new friend.

Every time my new friend reached out to me, I rejected the communication.

You were my drug. I couldn’t quit you. You molded me. You changed the way I functioned. You changed the way that I saw myself. You isolated me.

You convinced me that everything was okay.

I believed you.

Your grip on me became tighter than ever.

I was in grave condition. I felt like my life was slipping away.

Out of fear, I reached out to a familiar stranger. I had nowhere to go, but up.

The walls that were once closing in began to crack. I felt like I was able to catch my breath.

I found enough strength to finally put my foot down.

This was the day that I found my backbone.

Your grip around my neck was slowly slipping away.

You gave me an ultimatum.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I made the right decision.

I packed your things & tossed them out. I no longer wished to be burdened by your baggage.

That was the day that I had to let you go.

I loved you. I trusted you. I almost gave you my life. Yet, you still kept sucking me dry.

I was no longer your host.

You could no longer control me.

I could no longer try to change you.

I was done believing your lies. I was no longer bound by your manipulation. I no longer behaved under the spell of your intimidation. I no longer accepted your abuse.

The walls started separating from the foundation. The house came crashing down.

I lost everything that man could make.

Amongst the wreckage, I found something priceless. I found something that could renew me.

I found my new love.

My peace.

By Antonia Harris

A stay-at-home mom & dedicated wife on a path to find a purpose.

2 replies on “AN ODE TO MY FORMER LOVE”

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