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Parenting Through Depression

That’s exactly what I’m doing now.

Over the past several weeks, I wrote down my thoughts, with full intention of sharing. However, I changed my mind. Writer’s block had set in so badly that hated everything that I typed. Everything just felt mediocre. I’m not saying that I’m a top-notch writer, but I usually like the content that I put out, and I hope you do too.

I’ve been struggling to keep up with everything that matters to me- parenting, my blog, my business….

Depression is something that I have learned to live with. I have some lows and I have a lot of highs. Unfortunately, the lows are not very fun.

For the first couple of months of virtual learning, there was never a problem with me hopping out of bed before my alarm even rang. These days, I find myself struggling to cope with a new day. Everything just seems overwhelming. It’s not the fault of my kids. Depression is no stranger to me. I have dealt with it since I was a teenager.

However, my depression seems new to my kids. I hate that they noticed this time. I’m usually able to hide my episodes of physical and mental illness from them. What’s beautiful is that my kids have been patient. Honestly, they are still hardheaded as Hell, but I could feel their empathy. It just doesn’t feel fair to put them in that position.

Today was the first time in awhile that I actually felt a burst of energy. I don’t know where it came from, but I’m not complaining!

I filled out the mountain of paperwork that I have been avoiding for months. I made some important phone calls. I also cooked a meal from scratch! I know that sounds simple, but it’s really an accomplishment for me these days.

Next on my list? I need to wash my hair. It’s been a hot minute. Not gonna lie. I have been keeping up with the girls’ hair. Normally, when it is time for me to wash my hair, I dread the process, but I go and do it anyway. Doing three heads of hair every other weekend is a job, honestly.

These days, I’ve been keeping my hair in “two fat braids”. That’s what my mom called the hairstyle when I was growing up. It was her go-to hairstyle for my sisters and me when she didn’t feel like doing anything elaborate. It’s safe to say that I need some “Hair surgery”. That is what I say when it’s time to do hair. It’s really a transformation….

I really surprised myself though. I was doing really well during this pandemic. When Donnie was home for two months, I thought it would be such an annoying experience. Look, I love my husband with every breath, but we all know how a significant other can get on your nerves when we spend a lot of time with him or her. I thought I was going to be lie, “Seriously, this is my territory. I’m the stay at home parent. Please go back to work.”. We just didn’t get on each other’s nerves. I showed Donnie the ropes of watching the four walls all day and listening to the kids argue. He was very hands on, which I loved.

We also got to work on our marriage. Nothing major was broken, but you know that you have to perform maintenance to keep the operation going. We actually became closer, and I was very grateful.

Having my husband go back to work was such a crippling experience. He immediately went back to working 60+ hours a week. I really miss having him at home. However, the bills must be paid, and until my kids pay their invoices, I’m not bringing home any bacon for my services.

I acknowledge that I need to get out of the house. Where would I go? I could step outside for some air and nurse my bug bites later. Because of the pandemic, the five recreational activities that were available in town are now gone.

It still pains me that we had to miss out on our annual family beach vacation this year. That one week over the summer is literally Heaven on Earth. The beach is my sanctuary. It’s probably one out of three places that I visit throughout the year.

Right now, I feel crummy. In reality, I will be fine. I always make it through. You will too. The most important thing that you can do for yourself is to move. I don’t mean pop in an exercise tape or go for a 5 mile jog. Start with something small. Every small move is important and significant. Even if all you did was just wake and get dressed, you are going in the right direction.

“I need you, you need me.
We’re all a part of God’s body.
Stand with me, agree with me.
We’re all a part of God’s body.
It is his will, that every need be supplied.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.
I pray for you, You pray for me.
I love you, I need you to survive.”

-I Need You To Survive by Hezekiah Walker

Get into it!

Also, don’t forget to check out my business website:

http://www.antoniasglamsc8pe.com

By Antonia Harris

A stay-at-home mom & dedicated wife on a path to find a purpose.

6 replies on “Parenting Through Depression”

it’s okay to not feel okay, take some time off for yourself, but remember to get back up 🙂 life has ups and downs, we go through the downs every now and then just so we know how to appreciate the ups! i know what i say here is just from the perspective of a reader, but i do think you’re a very strong person and i admire that a lot! hang in there and stay strong!

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Thank you so much for your kind words❤️ I do agree that it is important to appreciate the ups in life. It’s so easy to get lost in the negatives. I hope that you are doing well yourself. Thank you so much for your support!

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That fact that you have felt like this is completely understandable and I think at some point in our lives we or someone we know has struggled with these feelings. And hey, it’s really been a tough few months for everyone. When I was much younger, I struggled with depression and panic attacks on a daily basis. Now as a Mum to a three year old, and currently pregnant again, I haven’t (touch wood), had any serious signs of depression but I continue every day with a worry in the back of my mind. I have suffered with health anxiety for about 12 years now, and this will never leave me. I think the fact that we and people who discuss mental health issues are so brave. When I went through depression the first time I never told anyone what I was going through, and I don’t know why. I was younger and unaware of how much it helps to talk to people and let your feelings known. I hope now a few months on, you are feeling somewhat more like “you”. All the best.

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First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope the rest of your pregnancy & labor & delivery goes smooth.

Thank you for your sentiments. Depression is very common & the more that you have to juggle, the harder it is to manage. Literally everything seems like an almost impossible chore. I heavily rely on prayer because it helps me. I say do whatever works for you. We are not flawed. Everyone struggles in different ways. It seems like you having your babies has helped you. That’s a beautiful thing.

It’s hard to talk to others because it’s hard to find someone who will listen or even understand. Sometimes we feel embarrassed because we feel like we are supposed to have it all together.

I also struggled with anxiety as a child. What has helped you combat anxiety if you don’t mind me asking?

It has been extremely tough with the pandemic. When you live in an area where there is not much to do & then everything closes….chaos!

All the best to you & your family. Thank you so much for reading this & I hope you come back for more.

If this comment seems all over the place, I apologize. I’m in the midst of lunch, virtual appointments, & house work. Can I sleep now? Lol!

God bless❤️

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Thankyou so much!!! That’s so nice. I had few complications with my daughter throughout pregnancy labour so fingers crossed all goes well. All good so far!!

That’s defintley true, so many different aspects in life can effect one person at the same time. That’s really good that you have prayer to hopefully help de-stress and support you throughout rougher patches even more so.

My daughter has definitely helped me, other than feeling a little lost at times I just feel so proud and amazed that I created this little person. I did suffer from post natal depression too but that’s a whole other thing.

Yes I agree with that too. If we fell embarrassed or not good enough sometimes these thoughts can block our minds up.

My anxiety will never disappear, especially the worries I have about my health. But things that haave helped me along the way include alot of mindfulness and positive reinforcements. Reading is a big part of my life too, as soon as I’m within the page that’s it I’m lost. Also, family and friends who along the way continue to reassure me.

The pandemic hasn’t been fun has it. I hope the world sees some sort of normality this year. But until then we must remain positive. Sometimes that’s much harder to do.

I loved that comment, no nneed to apologise!! Thankyou for being so honest and it’s a delight to hear other people’s experiences and thoughts.

Bless you, seems like you have a lot going on, I hope you get your rest and relaxation in too ❤️ Anything that keeps your mind calm and peaceful is just what’s needed.

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I’m so glad to hear that you have a support system around you! I hope that you are in a position to rest & take it easy as much as possible. That’s a tall order though when you have a toddler. I have also suffered from postpartum depression. We go through a lot as women alone. I believe we are given the bigger load because we can mentally handle it better. I feel like my anxiety will never disappear either. It’s just apart of my life. Children are magical. They can either make you love so hard or have you reaching for a glass of wine by the end of the day. LOL!

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